Love’s beauty hasn’t become an acquaintance of mine yet.
But getting through all of the ugly parts first is better, right?
Drive with your eyes closed
Maybe then you’ll properly see the world.
“lauren.. im in shockk…
that first video where jcaob takes off his shirt.. i don’t even know where i am right now.. or who i am… but all i know is…
OMGOMGOMGMOGOMMOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOMGMGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOGMOG I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOV ELVE JACOBBBB HOLLYY GUACAMOLE HE’S NOT EVEN HOT, HE’S LIKE THE BLUE FIRE THAT IS WAY HOTTER THAN HOT WELRAWLEURHLAIWUEHRLAIWUEHR!”
-my best frand.
is it lame for me to want to watch this movie so bad?
I think I’m hoping that it’ll answer all my questions about LOVE.
can you be disappointed
if you never expected anything in the first place?
and I have one more chapter of Love in my veins.
I’m leaving. And I’m going to miss my best. along with a few other people. even if it is only for two weeks. Let’s hope that my time there will be as fun as your time here. I’m not proud to say this, but I think one of the major things I’m bummed about along with missing people is not being able to watch 500 days of summer on opening day. So safe that one for me best.
Two weeks; 14 days. 336 hours; 20,160 minutes; 1,209,600 seconds. Almost seems like forever, doesn’t it?
I’m leaving again.
and I’m scared.
But I know it’s going to turn out all right. I just know it.
Rediscovering something feels so rejuvenating. I mean, whether it be music or a book or even tasting something you haven’t tasted in a while, there’s just this feeling you get when you listen to your favorite line/chorus/bridge of a song; reading your favorite part of a book; tasting that morsel of food that you haven’t realized that you’ve been secretly craving. And to me, it’s better than any old adrenaline rush. But I love when I’m rereading something (and etc.) and while I’m rediscovering the book, I end up discovering something else. Today, I found myself rediscovering Naomi&Ely’s No Kiss List by:Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. I had always thought that I enjoyed they’re other book, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, which, I am proud to say, I discovered years before the actual movie came out, much better. Yet, as I reread N&E’s, I found myself falling back into this book filled with anguish, drama, and most importantly the various levels of love. Along with the amazing playlists made by gabriel and the crossing of lines on both the male and female sides, I found a sense of peace that I squirmed through the first time I read it. And as I fell back to the once familiar plot, I found myself connecting with not one, but all of the characters in ways that I had never realized since the last time I had read it. And by rediscovering this book I was able to realize something very important. You don’t and hopefully won’t love everybody the same. Love is a free and unique feeling. There are many types, levels, and degrees of Love. Throughout your life you will experience it in multiple forms. Yet Love cannot be tamed, which is something I will have to learn to accept, because life is just not always going to go your way. And through this lesson, I realized something. I’m always going to love you, no matter everything we’ve been through. And I’m okay with that, even if your never going to return it. Because Love isn’t something that your going to be able to take back. And I’ve learned to accept it. But I realized I’m not in love with you. I never was. And I feel good. And there is a section at the very end that for some reason just reminds me of the whole novel, of life, and of Love. “Friendship is love as much as any romance. And like any love, it’s difficult and treacherous and confusing. But in the moment when your knees touch, there’s nothing else you could ever want”
Love; it’s complicated. But it’s worth it.
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish I was your favorite smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style…” —kate nash- the nicest thing
I was watching hannah montana, and i realized something. I’m loving life. I’m truly loving life. I’m loving how everything has been. I love how unorganized and maybe even unproductive it’s been these beginning weeks of summer. I’m loving my friends, I’m loving my family, and most of all, I’m learning to love my self. And I’m learning to still love you but being able to let it fade. I’m learning that time does heal some things, and that it’s going to be okay. Not just for me, but for her, and him, and him, and her. and especially you. I’m realizing that life is unpredictable, that my dream of finding my true soulmate may not happen. the fact that I could end up lonely on a desolate piece of land in an empty apartment with not even a fat old cat to keep me company. I’m realizing that not everything planned will happen that way. and for some reason I’m learning to not be afraid of it. I’m finally learning that standing on my own was all I needed to do. Because I can’t blame you anymore, and I don’t need to. Maybe I should watch Hannah Montana more often, because I just had the greatest epiphany. And I wish you were still a 20 minute walk away just so I could share this with you. But your not there and you’ll never read this. But it’s okay. Because I’ll be wishing that you have an epiphany of your own, and that you’ll be able to continue to go on like you’ve done nothing wrong. because I don’t care. And I’m ready for whatever the world has to throw at me. Because I can stand on my own. I remember that day you played this song, and now I can’t even listen to it. But now, I’ll finally be able to. I find it ironic because this title finally made me think. It’s not could any more; its never.
I’ve realized that for some reason this has been the best summer of my life. And the memories are slowly slipping away from me. So I think I’m going to begin keeping track. And start from the last day of
last day, math final. english extra credit with LEX<3, oakridge mall. Creepy sarku boys. UP! discount tickets from costco(: MICHAEL! mi casa. macbook. smoothies. and painting nails
6/12: wisdom teeth. sorry, no pictures. enough said.
6/13: a very blase day. woke up late, couldn’t talk. Veda just laughed on the phone. But i started reading EAST OF EDEN. Beginning of one of the greatest novels ever.
6/14: FINALLY. I’m able to eat SOMETHING. other than soup and porridge. East of Eden starts to get good. Watched korean programs with the fambam. Pretty interesting. Haven’t done that in a while. Able to eat solid food! soon doo bu. yummmy. Ate all of the chocolate in my mint chocolate chip ice cream. The end of the swelling, along with the feeling of being a freak.
THE DAY! sis and mom and her friend and her mom go out to watch UP! em, lex, and V! come over to watch some moulin rouge and eat. so. much. fun. TOE THUMB!
6/16: cello lesson! pretty intense. Just practiced the whole day basically. Found that I missed playing. even if I didn’t play for about a week.
THIRD EYE BLIND WITH THE LEX! amazing. really. Especially me riding sheridan’s scooter while alex and mel ran and definitely when i got to her house 194901490 hours early. went to bed at 12:15AM
6/18: official start of packing. JANEY ARRIVES! but not at my house. Basically I packed the whole day. and made my checklist. and anticipated what would happen. veda callled! tried to stop by, DIDNT. went to bed at 1AM
6/19: CLEANED MY ROOM FOR HALF THE DAY. then basically JANEY FINALLY CAME! Stayed up until 3AM getting to ‘re-know’ each other. and that we did.
6/20-6/26: NSLC CAMP. AMAZING.
6/27: slept in the whole day. then went to oakrdige at like 4, watched transformers at 6. bought nothing ): June came over, looked at NSLC pictures, and spent the nighttt! didn’t go to sleep until 2AM, june ended up on the floor.
6/28: slept in again, Woke up at around 11. WENT TO GREAT MALL! bought beige shorts and flannel at abecrombie. FREE H&M maggg! awesomeee. ate at tofu house for dinner. June had to go home ): dance in the morning. Melissa came over at night. SLEEPOVER AGAIN! this time I fell asleep at 12AM, they followed at 1AM. Very tired.
6/29: woke up lateeee AGAIN. went to VALLEY FAIR! Bought a skirt at Forever 21, then two pairs of shoes at Macy’s. One armani, another joan&david i think. THEN BJ’S AT OAKRDIGE with june and melissa and joyce and their mom. Ate so much. A lot of fun fersure. I was supposed to spend the night but I decided to stay at home.
6/30: A CAME OVERRR! caught uppppp. plus L came over tooo. that was nice. but yea. I MISS YOU A!
7/1: CELLLOOOOO. then we picked up june&janeyyy. they both came over and spent the night. AGAIN. first night that we went to bed before 12AM. 11PM to be exact. amazinggggg.
7/2: Up early in the morning! Me, E, J, and J all went out in search of the swing. but guess what? IT WASN’T THERE. we ended up climbing the tree and taking pictures. then we came back. J had girl scout’s luncheon. me and other J grabbed some japanese at ariaki with my mom and sisterrr. then we went to TJ MAX. then we picked J up, WHO BOUGHT THE SLIP& SLIDE! basically for the rest of the day we went to my sister’s lesson, then to TJ MAX again, then SLIPPED AND SLIDEDDDD, then had bibimbab for dinner at home. then we went to sleep. at like 1AM. i totally forgot J was sleeping on the ground and woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out. it was scary.
7/3: Woke up at 10, then got breakfast. We lounged around for a while, then went to slip&slide some more. AND WE TANNED! FINALLY. then we met june’s mom for dinner at COSTCO. actually we were going to go watch the fireworks at the country club but yea. then we went to marshall’s, which resulted in me buying another pair of sandals, bronze colored ones to be exact, and then two beatles shirts and a harvard shirt. THEN they went to TJ MAX and ROSS. pretty fun. sort of. except we kind of missed the fireworks. oh well. THEN WE ATE LIKE 943904310 foods at June’s house. We had blueberries with vanilla ice cream and chips. then we did this hip hop work out vidddd. plus we did this workout J&J made up. and finally J taught us a dance she and M made up. pretty fun. NOT. more like really tiring. it was pretty hard cause I’ve never danced before, but it made me want to dance. PLUS we saw SYTYCD. it was amazing. I WANT TO SEE PHILIPPPPPPP HE IS SUCH A GOOD DANCER! but yea we didn’t go to bed until way past 2AM. seriously tiring.
7/4: got up at 8:40. took a shower second. then off to church. J left for ny ): back next fridayyy. CHURCH=SO MUCH FUN. MJ made the best fishh ever. fourth of july bbq! i can’t believe he got fish just for me. but yea it was amazing good. just chilled, then went to get A, locked out of his house. rented TAKEN! took so long for A to get ready (went into garage, got speakers, stacked and climbed speakers onto his roof, then unscrew the screen in his window, crawled in. Only got to see a little bit of the movie ): oh well. went to bed at 12:30AM
7/5: raked the lawn?! got up at 12. Basically a chill day. read most of EAST OF EDEN. almost doneee. WATCHED HANNAH MONTANA. major highlight. spent time with sis(: went to bed at 1:30AM reading east of eden.
7/6: started learning how to play the nicest thing on the guitar! garage bandddd. Got haircut with june. Picked her up on the way there. Funstuff. Hair is now strange looking but in a good way. Life is good. Ate some no-meat pho. it was good. made my day. came back to mi casa, watched hannah montana AGAIN and ate an ice bar. then went over to S’s house for the last time to drop of some CD’s. then walked back. practice the nicest thing for the 982493194 until 1AM.
7/7: practice nicest thingggg whole morning,
7/14-7/28: MISSION TRIP ‘09 SOUTH KOREA
1. arrived, 2 hour bus, guest house, sleep, wake up at 3
2. wake up, go shopping! sleep at melody’s floor till 9, come back to house, janey comes!
3. pick up bfast upstairs at the store, leave for sahmyook at around 12, get there around 1 or 2, meetings meetings meetings! go to room, then out to dinner. SLEEPPPP
4. SABBATHHHHHHHHHH! prepare stuff.
5. START OF ENGLISH CAMP! meet all the kids. fun stuff
6. START OF VBS+ENGLISH CONTINUED! amazing fun! vbs!
9. SWIMMING DAY AT WATER CASTLE! fun stuff
10. same as the other days, PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!
12. class! also shopping!
13. basically last night ): norebang(:
14. GOODBYE TIME IN AUDITORIUM! ): PLANE HOME!
15. arrive at 11, wait till 2 for baggage (J’s&P’s&M’s), go out to eat with D and J, go home and sleep till 10, don’t go back to sleep till 4AM [E calls me(: ]
END OF MISSION TRIP
7/29: wake up at 4. do nothing, catch up with people, start some more summer hw!
7/30: wake up at 10! go to sf! japan center! mifune andddd california science academy to take bio pictures
7/31: wake up at 12? pick up music then go get ears piercedddd!
8/1: CHURCH! D, S, J, J testimonies! PUC meeting ): then hang out at D,K, and I’s house till 4(: walmart&mallllll
and now its today. but yea, this will def. be where everything is going to be kept track of. Will record what happens today tomoroww.
“it’s time to go so put all your clothes on”